Toilet Paper Conservation in a Financial Crisis

Memo to staff:

I have noticed that we are purchasing more toilet paper than usual. Due to recent financial events, I would like to request staff to be more conservative with toilet paper use, as the supplier has recently increased prices and reduced sheet number (from 800 to 700).

New ID palm monitors will be placed outside each stall to count individual usage. Please wash your hands before using the palm monitor.

Using 4 sheets after urinating and 6 sheets after defecating should be sufficient; this can be done by folding creatively. Otherwise we will be selling toilet paper sheets @ $.05 each, or require staff to bring their own rolls and keep them in the utility closet in the men’s room.

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.